Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
