I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
