meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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