I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
