I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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