between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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