the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
