You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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