a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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