sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
