maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
