I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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