Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
