dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
