Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
