8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
