Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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