She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
