It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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