I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just invented taco cereal.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
