Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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