shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
