You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
