Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.