Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.