fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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