My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
