The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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