That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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