Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
