So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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