I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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