I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
