That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
