Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize