yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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