Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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