i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize