Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
