Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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