I wannas sexs uuuuu
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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