I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
