I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
