You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
