I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
