That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
