Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
