eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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