We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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