The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My underwear smells like fireworks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
