i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
