We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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