i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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