an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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