i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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