scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
