The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
